


Macrons and Marriage Counselling

by thehaikubandit



Category: Campaign (Podcast), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Fake Dating, M/M, but spoilers for up to evil campaign episode 8, set after BHIKKE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehaikubandit/pseuds/thehaikubandit
Summary: Written for a One Shot kink meme prompt.In which Aava and Fentara have a relaxing retreat, Zero panics a lot, and Blue is unimpressed by caf and the difficulty of making macrons.





	Macrons and Marriage Counselling

“Aava,” said Zero, rushing into the dojo. “You have to help me.”

Aava glared at him. The small children she was teaching all looked at him. And a large crate fell to the ground with a crash.

“Sorry,” said Zero. “But this is an emergency. Check your holomail.”

“Everyone, it’s break time,” said Aava. “I’ll be back in five minutes and then we’re going to try this again. Without dropping the box.”

Aava pulled up her messages while Zero hovered about anxiously.

 

_To: Aava Arek, Minister Blue, Agent Zero, Commander Synox_

_From: Inquisitor Louphan_

_Subject: Mission_

_You will need to attend a three day couples retreat on Naboo to gather intelligence. We believe that a staff member may be stealing information from guests, particularly those of an imperial nature, and passing it to rebels. All of you will attend and pass on false information. This information will need to be transmitted by the second day, to allow you to be part of the arrest team on the final day of the retreat._

_Activity schedules have been assigned to you based on proximity to your target._

_Aava and Commander Synox will be targeting Gavin Finwej._

_Minister Blue and Zero will target Kaia Moreas._

_The information that is leaked to the rebels will help us to identify the leak. The false information you are to pass on is detailed in the attachments. You will not be taking further cover identities beyond the relationships needed to enter a couple’s retreat._

_Report to Bay 19 tomorrow morning at 0700._

_Inquisitor Louphan._

 

“Zero,” said Aava. “This hardly qualifies as an emergency.”

“Aava, it’s a couple’s retreat.”

“And you’ve done undercover work before. Shouldn’t Blue be the one freaking out here?”

“I’m fully aware of these facts,” said Zero. “I think it’s getting worse.”

“By it do you mean your little crush?”

“Kill me. It’ll be kinder.”

“Not a chance,” said Aava. “This is going to be a train-wreck and I am excited to see it.”

 

Aava was correct that Blue should have been freaking out. And indeed he was. However the only person he typically talked to about anything was Zero. In this case, it wasn’t really an option. Blue considered himself to be coping very well under the circumstances. Which was to say he was composing a concerto while sending very aggressive holomails to the Commander Clone production team.

 

Synox on the other hand, was not worried at all about the upcoming mission. His main concern was ensuring his troops were in top shape for the arrest. And the best way to do this was sparring drills.

At some point, he thought, he’d really have to hire more of than the three of them.

While he was thinking he heard a loud crack. Oh. Oh that was a little painful. He collapsed to the ground, his tibia sticking out of his leg at a right angle. Noons stood over him with a look of panic on his face.

“Good job soldier,” said Synox. It was important to provide encouragement to the troops. “But next time, save it for the enemy.”

 

As such, Fentara Ren was waiting at 0700 in Bay 19.

“Well,” said Aava. “You are going to be a lot more fun than Synox. Not that I mind undercover work with him, but I have a feeling you know how to have a good time.”

“Thank you,” said Fentara, blushing faintly.

“Let’s go, let’s go.” Blue arrived with caf in hand. “I want to get this over with.”

“Aw, Blue,” said Aava. “You don’t like Zero?”

“We’re going,” said Zero. He turned to Aava, and when Blue couldn’t see projected >:( on his helmet.

“I’m serious about it being fun,” said Aava, following them onto the shuttle. “I am so excited to have a relaxing mission.”

“You just got back from BHIKKE,” said Blue. “It’s not like you don’t get time off. Which this is not, we do actually have a mission to do.”

“Yeah, a relaxing one.”

“BHIKKE was not relaxing,” said Zero. “Like, don’t get me wrong, it was great fun, but man I got no sleep. Those parties are full on.”

“Who says you’ll get any sleep on this mission?” whispered Aava. This was too easy.

“Who says you will?” he replied, face flashing a ;)

“This is disgusting,” said Blue. “I provide this station with high quality caf options, and this happens? What do they do with the good stuff? Give it to stormtroopers?”

Zero coughed and an arrow pointed to Fentara.

“You don’t count,” Blue said to her. “Anyone on the Bluebird gets real caf. You do more than guard a hanger bay. And from what I’ve been hearing about rebels recently, half of them can’t even do that properly.”

“Is this what happens when you don’t get real caf?” asked Aava. “Do you just get all grumpy?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Zero nodded an emphatic yes behind him.

Fentara looked at them all awkwardly. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to be reacting to all this. Usually she had the benefit of a bucket to hide behind. Aava took pity on her.

“Fentara, honey,” she said. “Come sit with me. We need a decent cover story if this is going to work. Because it’s the little things that make it. Tell me about our wedding day.”

“I’ve sent you a cover story,” Blue told Zero. “It should cover everything.”

Zero pulled the document up on the inside of his helmet.

“Wow,” he said. “This is really detailed.”

 

He only just finished reading it by the time the shuttle arrived at Naboo.

“Remember,” said Blue. “I’m in charge.”

“Sure you are,” said Zero. “Here I was thinking we wanted to succeed. Let's hope this goes well.”

“I have no doubts as to how this is going to go,” said Aava, sauntering past with her arm around Fentara’s waist. “Have fun boys!”

“Of course we’ll have fun,” said Blue. “Why wouldn’t we have fun? I bet we have more fun than they do.”

“Well, I mean, that might depend on what events we’re signed up for.”

“Let’s find the schedule then.”

Blue marched up to a woman with a clip board.

“Two checking in under Wrengan. I believe you have a schedule for us. Also, please, please tell me you have some decent caf.”

 

-

 

“Hold on, I need to send this photo to Synox,” said Aava. She sent the photo of the two of them with the caption “Ice-cream breakfast!”

“Now,” said Aava. “What do we have today?”

“Um, settling in until 11,” said Fentara. “Then a spa until dinner.”

“Please,” said Aava. “Please tell me that is spa with no r.”

“Spa with no r.”

“Perfect. Now, honey, how about we go see our room?”

 

-

 

“What do you mean marriage counselling? Why would we need marriage counselling?”

“Because that’s the session that Moreas is running?”

“Did you even read my preparation document? We do not need marriage counselling.”

“Oh my god, this is why I picked Aava for work like this. Look, Blue, it’s a job.”

“I know it’s a job.”

“Cool, then, let’s do the job, and you can go back to arguing with producers, and micromanaging instrument numbers.”

“If you think that I won’t be doing that during this marriage session you are sorely mistaken.”

 

-

 

“So,” said Aava when they met up for dinner. “How was your day?”

“Actually productive,” said Blue.

“You know, he’s not wrong.”

“And what exactly did you do?” asked Aava.

There was a pause.

“Marriage counselling,” said Zero.

“I can see that being helpful for the two of you,” said Aava. “Things always work better when people talk to each other. And just ask things.”

Blue and Zero suddenly were very interested in the ceiling.

“We had a lovely day at the spa,” said Aava. “I swear, I needed a massage so badly. It was amazing.”

“And we have yoga tomorrow morning,” said Fentara. “It’s early but not as early as our regular drills.”

“Or Blue’s morning announcements.”

“Look, Aava, those are at a perfectly reasonable time.”

“Sweetie, some of us like to get more than three hours sleep.”

“Well that’s just excessive.”

Zero slurped some wine through a straw.

“Like I said, if I get more sleep than BHIKKE I am happy,” he said.

“See, this is just one of many reasons I don’t like BHIKKE,” said Blue. “I mean, sure, I may not always get the “recommended daily amount” of sleep, but at least my days are productive.”

“BHIKKE can be productive,” said Aava. “I personally got a great book.”

“And then we, you know, took over the planet.”

“See, that was productive.”

“That does not count as BHIKKE,” said Blue.

“I think it does,” said Aava. “Fentara?”

“It was part of the work week.”

“Thank you.”

Aava stood up.

“And with that, shall we go to our room? We’ve got an early start.”

“Why not?”

The two of them left.

“What do we have tomorrow?” asked Zero.

“Cooking classes,” said Blue.

“That shouldn’t be too bad. And I think we built a good foundation for our cover today.”

“And hopefully we’ve worked out your issues with scrabble.”

“That too.”

 

-

 

evilforcewitch: So, how’s it really going?

 

no really we did ok 2day :)

hows u and trooper girl?????

evilforcewitch: Oh, she is lovely

evilforcewitch: I think we are going to have a very nice night

>:O

well that would not have happened with syclone

or would it…

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

tell me the tattoo story ;)

evilforcewitch: Oh not a chance

evilforcewitch: To either of those things

evilforcewitch: How is Blue coping with only having one bed?

he doesnt sleep aava >:[

y would he care?

evilforcewitch: Oh I’m sorry

evilforcewitch: How are you coping with only having one bed?

kriff u

evilforcewitch: Surely today taught you just to talk to each other

i am going to die alone :'(

evilforcewitch: You’re going to die with Blue but neither of you will have gotten up the nerve to make the first move

evilforcewitch: Goodnight…

 

Aava put down her communicator as Fentara left the fresher and entered the room, wearing nothing but a towel.

“So,” she said. “Where were we?”

 

-

 

_To: Inquisitor Louphan_

_Subject: Retreat_

_Complete._

_Aava._

 

_To: Minister Blue, Agent Zero_

_Subject: Report_

_Please explain the delay._

_Inquisitor Louphan._

 

_To: Inquisitor Louphan_

_Subject: Re:Retreat_

_We did not have a chance to pass the information. Do you know how hard it is to make macrons? It’s ridiculous. And what’s the point? Just employ a chef!_

_Blue._

 

_To: Aava Arek, Minister Blue, Agent Zero, Fentara Ren_

_Subject: Arrest_

_Despite incomplete information the target has been revealed. Arrest Finwej immediately. Ensure that he is alive to allow for interrogation. Do not interrogate him yourselves. I will arrive with a prison transport in three hours and expect him conscious._

_Inquisitor Louphan._

 

Finwej was not conscious when the Inquisitor arrived to collect him.

“It wasn’t us,” said Zero. “Seriously, he jumped out a window. Do you know how dangerous that is?”

“I don’t know what I expected,” said Louphan. “Troopers, take him to the ship and prepare the med-droid.”

“Are we coming back with you?” asked Aava.

“You will be collected by shuttle tomorrow. If I take you back on the prison transport I doubt Finwej will arrive alive.”

“It was a window!”

“And last time it was an exploding ship.”

“A SHIP FELL ON US!”

“Report to my office at 1000 tomorrow for your next assignment. Excluding you, trooper.”

Fentara saluted. Despite not having packed her armour it still looked very impressive.

“Well,” said Aava when Louphan had left. “That could have gone better. But at least we have the farewell banquet to enjoy.”

“And the formal dance,” said Fentara. “Speaking of, would I be able to borrow a dress? I don’t really have anything formal to wear.”

“Oh, absolutely. How do you feel about red?”

 

-

 

The banquet and dance were what you would expect of a three day couples retreat. Incorrectly named. Apparently having a three course sit down dinner counted as a banquet if the table cloth was fancy enough. Blue had been especially unimpressed.

“And how are we supposed to dance with only a quartet?”

Zero sighed.

“Go for it,” mouthed Aava.

“Like this,” said Zero, and took Blue’s hand.

Aava and Fentara watched them.

“Well,” said Aava. “Who would have thought Zero knew how to do a formal Mandalorian waltz?”

“Would you like to dance?” asked Fentara, a few songs later. She offered Aava her hand.

“Absolutely.”

As everyone slowly swayed on the dance floor Aava looked over at Zero and he flashed her a single emoji.

<3


End file.
